Tales from the Dark Side of the Moon

…sau cum respiram in lumea reala.

Archive for the ‘Entertainment’ Category

Mic dictionar moldovenesc

Posted by Jo pe martie 3, 2009

Sunt sigura ca multi dintre voi stiu deja acest „mic dictionar moldovenesc”, insa pentru cei care nu l-au citit pana acum, enjoy:
AMÂNAT =  fără mâini
AŢÂŢAT = fără sâni
BIOLOG = olog de ambele picioare
BIZAR = zar dublu
A GENERALIZA = verb mai mare în grad decât „a coloneliza”
GHERILĂ = un mos simpăticut care dăruieste copiilor din Cambodgia , Honduras si Peru cadouri drăgute: mitraliere, pistoale, grenade, mortiere…
GHINIOANE = varianta moldovenească pentru ardelenescul „Bine, Ioane
ÎMPRĂŞTIERE = rezultatul procesului prin care beţivii se fac praştie
ÎNCHINARE = transport către China
ÎNFOCARE = transformare în focă
ÎNVINUIRE = procesul de fermentare a mustului
ÎNVIORAT = Prevăzut cu vioară
LEŞINĂ = pe unde merge „le tren”
MANIPULARE = manevrarea  penisului cu ajutorul mâinilor
MĂCEL = mac mic
MERITORIU = teritoriul ocupat de livada de meri
MICROSCOP= scop  mărunt
MOLIERE = cutiute în care se păstrează naftalina
MONOLOG = olog de un picior
NASTURE = plasture pentru nas
PITON = peshte a cărui lungime declarată se obtine din cea reală prin înmultire cu 3,14
PLASTURE = nasture din material plastic
PRUDENT = pastă de dinţi cu extras de prune
RATEU = pateu din carne de ratză
SCARABEU = cetătean ce locuieste la bloc, la scara a doua; din aceeasi familie de cuvinte se cunosc scaraceu si scaradeu
SEXOLOG = olog de 6 picioare (de ex. miriapod sexolog)
TRACTOR = actor cu mult trac
TUTUN = a-a-armă de-de-de a-a-artilerie
ȚURȚUR = Sunetul soneriei, iarna


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Cele mai bune momente in viata..

Posted by Jo pe aprilie 7, 2007

Cele mai bune momente din viata sunt acelea cand decizi ca hotararile tale iti apartin. Nu mai dai vina pe mama, pe tata sau pe societate pentru ce ti se intampla. Cazi intr-o groapa si te agati cu dintii ca sa te ridici. Nu te lasi calcat in picioare. Lupti pentru ceea ce vrei. Strigi pentru ceea ce crezi. Mergi pana la capatul pamantului pentru principiile tale.

Restul articolului aici 

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Portret :)

Posted by Jo pe martie 27, 2007

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Te poop, draga ! :)

Posted by Jo pe martie 26, 2007

Porumbita scrie despre alergia ei la cuvantul „poop”. Folosit alaturi de un pronume si in locul clasicului ‘pup’. Nu stiu daca oamenii care folosesc asta sunt familiarizati cu sensul cuvantului poop ( cel englez, pentru ca in romana nu exista ). Asadar, de ce ranjesc unii oameni la vederea expresiei ‘te poop’:

What is poop?
About 3/4 of your average turd is made of water. Of course, this value is highly variable – the water content of diarrhea is much higher, and the amount of water in poop that has been retained (voluntarily or otherwise) is lower. Water is absorbed out of fecal material as it passes through the intestine, so the longer a turd resides inside before emerging, the drier it will be.
Of the remaining portion of the turd, about 1/3 is composed of dead bacteria. These microcorpses come from the intestinal garden of microorganisms that assist us in the digestion of our food. Another 1/3 of the turd mass is made of stuff that we find indigestible, like cellulose, for instance. This indigestible material is called „fiber,” and is useful in getting the turd to move along through the intestine, perhaps because it provides traction. The remaining portion of the turd is a mixture of fats such as cholesterol, inorganic salts like phosphates, live bacteria, dead cells and mucus from the lining of the intestine, and protein.

Why does poop stink?
Poop stinks as a result of the products of bacterial action. Bacteria produce smelly, sulfur- or nitrogen-rich organic compounds such as indole, skatole, and mercaptans, and the inorganic gas hydrogen sulfide. These are the same compounds that give farts their odor.

Why is poop brown?
The color comes mainly from bilirubin, a pigment that arises from the breakdown of red blood cells in the liver and bone marrow. The actual metabolic pathway of bilirubin and its byproducts in the body is very complicated, so we will simply say that a lot of it ends up in the intestine, where it is further modified by bacterial action. But the color itself comes from iron. Iron in hemoglobin in red blood cells gives blood its red color, and iron in the waste product bilirubin gives rise to its brown color.

What other colors of poop are possible?
Poop is mostly shades of brown or yellow, but other colors can arise under certain circumstances. For example, someone with a bleeding ulcer might have tarry black poop from the presence of partially digested blood. Bleeding in the intestine, from an anal fissure or split, for example, can stain the poop red. Bloody poop can also be a sign of colon cancer, so you should get it checked out by a doctor if you see blood in your stool. Some illnesses in babies gives them green or even blue-green poop. But another source of blue poop in children is more innocent: it can come from eating a concentrated source of blue food coloring such as ice cream. Intense red food coloring can produce bright red poop. Sometimes brightly colored foods pass through the gut almost unchanged, and the turd may be speckled with bright red fragments such as pimentos, or bright yellow kernels of corn.
Poop can also be stained red if you eat beets, according to Ellen.
One can experience white poop after consuming a barium milkshake for the purposes of getting an x-ray of the upper gastrointestinal tract.

What is the cause of yellow poop?
According to Michael F., one cause of this is Gilbert’s Syndrome. „I have a benign condition known as Gilbert’s Syndrome. It affects quite a few people, males mostly, in their teens+. It is a deficiency in the liver where red blood cells are broken down. I was informed when this was diagnosed that the broken down blood cells is what gives poop a lot of its color. People with Gilbert’s Syndrome don’t process as many blood cells – or not as fast – and their poop tends to be pale brown or yellow from the lower quantity of discarded red blood cell matter. This is especially true if there is less matter in your intestines (i.e., on a diet – as I have noticed) to remove the excess blood cells. Very frightening until you determine what is causing it. Gilbert’s is a totally benign thing that doesn’t harm anyone, although when a person is sick they can turn yellowish as if jaundiced, but it is not jaundice.”
Another cause of yellow poop is a giardia infection. Giardia are tiny Protozoan parasites that can invade the intestines and result in severe yellow diarrhea. It is a dangerous and contagious affliction that doctors are obligated to report to the Center for Disease Control.

What is the cause of green poop?
I have consulted with a doctor, a physiologist and a microbiologist on this question, and the following summarizes their answers:
Healthy people can have green poop if they eat a diet rich in leafy green vegetables, or if they consume large quantities of food coloring (in ice cream, cake frosting etc.).
Green poop can also be caused by excess iron in the diet, from dietary supplements, for example. If the body does not absorb all the iron consumed, the iron may stain the poop green, the color of iron (II) salts. Ordinarily, the green color may be masked by the normal brown poop color, but if digestion is thrown off by illness so that bilirubin is less concentrated in the intestine, the green color may become apparent. This can happen when a person is afflicted with diarrhea.
Green poop in sick babies may come from iron in baby formula not being properly absorbed, or by green pigments in bile salts (again, green from iron).

Why is bird poop white?
Unlike mammals, birds don’t urinate. Their kidneys extract nitrogenous wastes from the bloodstream, but instead of excreting it as urea dissolved in urine as we do, they excrete it in the form of uric acid. Uric acid has a very low solubility in water, so it emerges as a white paste. This material, as well as the output of the intestines, emerges from the bird’s cloaca. The cloaca is a multi-purpose hole for birds: their wastes come out of it, they have sex by putting their cloacas together, and females lay eggs out of it.

Can you get sick from eating poop?
Yes, you can definitely get sick from eating poop, even in minute quantities! Although urine emerges sterile from the body (unless the person has an infection), poop emerges loaded with bacteria and sometimes other life forms. Many diseases, including food poisoning, cholera and typhus, are spread by fecal contamination. Many parasites, such as the notorious tapeworm, can be spread through deliberate or accidental ingestion of poop.
There are some parasites, such as pinworms, who depend on people eating their own poop to keep the population up. Pinworms are small nematodes that live in the colon. The females emerge from the anus at night to lay their eggs. Their activity makes the anal area itch. The person scratches the itch (often doing so in his sleep), procuring a small amount of fecal matter and eggs under his fingernails, and then puts his fingers in his mouth. Once the eggs are consumed, the person is infected with a new generation of pinworms.
I have read that almost everyone has pinworms. Luckily, pinworms don’t do much harm. You only notice them if you have a lot of pinworms! If you want to find out if you do indeed have them, get someone to gently touch around your anal area with Scotch tape while you are sleeping. The worms will stick to the tape and you’ll be able to see them.

How come when you eat corn, no matter how much you chew it, you poop it out in whole kernals?
Corn poop is one of the greatest mysteries in life. I grew up pondering the same question. This is what I think is happening:
When we chew corn, the outer coating slips off the inner kernal. This outer yellow coating is almost entirely cellulose, and is indigestible. It passes through the gut untouched, and emerges looking like a whole kernal, although it is mostly just the outer skin. The inside of the kernal is starchy and digestible, and that is the part that we succeed in chewing up.

How does poop stay together, like in links?
In humans, soft poop is really one long, mostly continuous sausage before it comes out. It gets its „link” look because we tend to pinch off lengths of it with the anal sphincter as the poop emerges. If a person pinches hard enough, the poop separates into several turd units. If the person doesn’t pinch that hard, the turds may stay connected.
If you can remain sufficiently relaxed, you can produce an awesomely long poop that will coil up inside the toilet.

Data viitoare, think again before using ‘poop’ 🙂

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Ce faci dupa sex oral?

Posted by Jo pe martie 21, 2007

Am fost acasa. Am facut gaura in bugetul alor mei 🙂 Si ajunsa in Bucuresti, cu forte proaspete, am zis sa merg la facultate. Si pentru ca ma plictiseam asteptand-o pe Steph in statie la Leu, mi-am luat Cosmopolitan. Si rasfoind asa…dau de intaplari penibile. O gagica povesteste ( cica faza e dintr-un film..n-are importanta, tot m-am amuzat):

” Cum nici eu nici iubitul n-aveam chef sa mergem la primul curs, am gasit de cuviinta sa prelungim sederea intre asternuturi in alt fel, mult mai….activ! Evident, a urmat o partida de amor cu tot tacamul, preludiu „a la carte”, sex oral s.a.m.d. Fiindca distractia ne rapise cam mult, n-am avut timp sa ma aranjez si am luat-o la goana spre facultate – la laboratorul de biologie celulara, unde profesorul cauta voluntari pentru tema zilei: studiul microscopic al celulelor mucoasei bucale. Cum voiam sa ma pun bine cu el, m-am oferit drept cobai. Proba era simpla: ti se razuia usor mucoasa bucala si materialul recoltat era pus sub microscop. Numai ca, spre surprinderea mea, colegul care mi-a admirat primul opera a exclamat ” Se misca, domnule profesor!”. ” Sunt spermatozoizi. Mai spala-te si dumneata pe dinti, domnisoaraaa!”, a venit raspunsul lui, dupa o examinare atenta.”

Atentie deci ce faceti cu gurita 🙂 Mai ales dupa…

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My earworm

Posted by Jo pe martie 11, 2007

Geniala tipa!

ps: sa-mi zica si mie cineva cum cacat pun o piesa pe blog ca-mi prind urechile!

Posted in Entertainment, Music, People and Places | 4 Comments »

Leitmotivul animatiilor :)

Posted by Jo pe martie 11, 2007

In fiecare animatie de lung metraj exista un leit motiv. In Ice Age a fost Scrat, veverita. In Madagascar, pinguinii. In Flushed Away exista melcii aia fara casa, care habar nu am cum se numesc in romana. In engleza se numesc slugs. Si m-au amuzat teribil. Here is why :

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Numai timpul…

Posted by Jo pe martie 11, 2007

 Era odata o insula unde traiau toate sentimentele umane: Buna Dispozitie, Tristetea, Intelepciunea, Iubirea si altele.

Intr-o zi sentimentele au aflat ca insula se va scufunda in curand, asa ca si-au pregatit navele si au plecat. Doar Iubirea a ramas pana in ultimul moment. Cand insula a inceput sa se scufunde, Iubirea a hotarat sa ceara ajutor.

Bogatia a trecut pe langa Iubire intr-o barca luxoasa si Iubirea i-a zis:
-Bogatie, ma poti lua cu tine?
-Nu te pot lua, caci e mult aur si argint in barca mea si nu am loc pentru tine

Atunci Iubirea i-a cerut ajutorul Orgoliului, care tocmai trecea pe acolo:
-Orgoliu, te rog, ma poti lua cu tine?
-Nu te pot ajuta, Iubire, aici e totul perfect… mi-ai putea strica nava.
Iubirea a rugat mai apoi Tristetea, care trecea pe langa ea:
-Tristete, te rog, lasa-ma sa vin cu tine!
-Oh, Iubire, sunt atat de trista incat simt nevoia sa stau singura…

Chiar si Buna Dispozitie a trecut pe langa Iubire, dar era atat de multumita incat nu a auzit ca o striga.

Dintr-o data o voce a strigat:
-Vino, Iubire, te iau cu mine!

Era un batran cel care vorbise. Iubirea s-a simtit atat de recunoscatoare si plina de bucurie incat a uitat sa il intrebe pe batran cum il cheama. Cand au sosit pe tarm, batranul a plecat.

Iubirea si-a dat seama cat de mult ii datora si a intrebat Cunoasterea:
-Cunoastere, imi poti spune cine m-a ajutat?
-Era Timpul…

-Timpul? s-a intreba Iubirea, dar de ce tocmai Timpul m-a ajutat?
Cunoasterea, plina de intelepciune, i-a raspuns:
-Pentru ca numai Timpul e capabil sa inteleaga cat de importanta e Iubirea in viata…

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Fixatiile si obsesiile zodiilor

Posted by Jo pe martie 11, 2007

Jo cand n-are ce face citeste chestii pe net. Asa a ajuns aici. Interesant tare. Si cam prea se potriveste 😕

Daca fiecare zodie si-ar alege un motto, care ar fi acesta? 

Berbec – “SUNT PE FUGA!”
Taur – “CE-I AL MEU, E-AL MEU!”
Gemeni – “NU TE ENERVA!”
Leu – “NU-S FRUMOS?”
Fecioara – “SA ANALIZAM…”
Balanta – “NU SUNT SIGUR…”
Scorpion – “MA TEM DE TRADARE!”
Sagetator – “CU MINE VORBESTI?”
Capricorn – ” ASCULTA-MA PE MINE!”
Varsator – “ITI SPUN DREPT…”
Pesti – “DEPINDE…”

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Are you sure?

Posted by Jo pe martie 10, 2007

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